I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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