First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
