FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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