its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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