he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
