i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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