omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
