Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Vodka?
Forever.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
