My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Never underestimate the power of titties
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
