Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
