Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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