We named our party play list daddy issues
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
