There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
