Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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