Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
