I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize