We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Even my vagina gasped.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
