So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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