she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
