a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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