Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
