whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Girls should come with a carfax report
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Randomize
