i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
