My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
