Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
