I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
