dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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