the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
