What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
