i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
