hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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