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• (314): View more from Missouri

  rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?

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• (305): View more from Florida

  The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.

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• (915): View more from Texas

  Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"

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• (207): View more from Maine

  he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem

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• (925): View more from California

  But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...

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• (571): View more from Virginia

  Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"

  (703): View more from Virginia

  Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night

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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.

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• (604): View more from British Columbia

  i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  haha no, it was majik

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