Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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