watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
