You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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