You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
