i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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