I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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