some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
