3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
