Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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