It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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