are you still at the devil's house?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
