Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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