I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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