This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
