It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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