I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
