You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
