my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
