I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
