Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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