I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
