I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
