Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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