If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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