it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
