Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
