It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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