a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
