You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
