I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize