Duck Duck Cougar?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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