i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
