i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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