I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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