those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Come on in and take your pants off
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