so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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