Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
