I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
