I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
