she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Drunk is not a location!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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