Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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